Fuck. What a day of stressful situations. Stupid 11h shifts on Thursday.
Trying not keep my anxiety under control was difficult.
And burning myself on an oven that’s over 500 degrees was NOT fun. My arm is still stinging :(
Ended the night off really well with some girlies. Spliff+peach blunt & lots of supers? :3 And I had the most amazing raspberry vodka and lemonade drink. mmmm.
I have the next two days off… but all that’s on my mind right now is you, and mostly sleep. But you still. i love you.
Keep ‘em cominnn’!
I just got home from work & I’m fairly tired. Got home @ 5AM and needed to wake up for 9AM. I’m gonna go nap, and when I come back… I expect lots of ridiculous questions to answer!!
I don’t get cutters. It’s dumb. The concept behind it is dumb. You want to feel the pain so you know you can still feel something? That’s dumb. You’re not the only person with problems in this fucked up world.
The world always revolves around these people, at least to them. That’s arrogant. Or ignorant. Or both. Physically harming yourself in any way just goes against nature. We were programmed to survive, not inflict useless, sometimes fatal, injuries to ourselves.
I’ve done it before. Not because I’m depressed, which I may very well be, or feel alone or want to feel the hurt to make sure that I’m alive. I did it just as a test. I have a pretty good tolerance of pain, and I wasn’t going to hit an artery or anything. So I tried it.
And I realized that I’d felt it before. Anyone who fell down as a kid and scraped their hand? Or arm or whatever. It’s that. That’s what I felt. Again, it’s dumb.
For those that read my tumblr that happen to be cutters, I’m sorry if this offends you. But I’ll say it to your face that I think what you do is dumb.
Happiness is a choice, people. Don’t bitch if you’re not even going to try to make it.
You’re about to get called the FUCK out.
Yes, life is about pain, everyone lives through pain. The ability to get through life and live through the pain is what it’s all about. Someone who self harms doesn’t necessarily think that his/her problems are worse than anyone else’s. So for you to make that judgment makes you seem very ignorant… along with the rest of your post.
When people live through difficult/traumatic/painful/stressful/depressing times in their lives it’s their responsibility to figure out what they need to do in order to get through it or make it better. Yes, cutting, or self harm is one method. So is drinking, doing drugs, working out, creative writing, boxing, eating disorders.. WHATEVER. Some methods are healthier than others. Some methods work better than others. HOWEVER, it is all relevant to the individual that decides to partake in any of those activities.
“You want to feel the pain so you know you can still feel something?” - I don’t know who told you this, or what type of music you’re listening to, but this isn’t the reality to all the people who use self harm as a coping mechanism.
“The world always revolves around these people, at least to them. That’s arrogant. Or ignorant. Or both. Physically harming yourself in any way just goes against nature. We were programmed to survive, not inflict useless, sometimes fatal, injuries to ourselves.” - Sure… whatever point you think you’re making. The choice to self harm IS a selfish one, because it’s something personal for that person. But if someone is cutting, is that REALLY ruining your day? Are you jealous? Do you want to be the centre of attention vs their need/want to cut? Oh and, going against nature? Do you understand HOW many things the human race has done that’s gone against nature? Fuck, pretty much everything we put into our bodies is scientifically modified from it’s original, raw form. And as for doing things that are potentially life threatening - people do things like this everyday! Every time you get into a car, go on a rollercoaster, go bungee jumping…etc, whatever, you’re taking a risk. There are risks in everything and people could potentially die from many things on any given day, including things that we enjoy.
Happiness IS a choice. Happiness is a choice a lot of people decide to make. However, not every single person can reach a point of being “happy”. Some search for happiness their entire lifetime to never find it. Mental illness is NOT a choice. Mental illness can literally leave you emotionally handicapped and shut out from the world. NO WONDER some people would turn to “alternative methods” for dealing with pain. Some people self medicate themselves in order to make things better.
So yes, happiness is a decision. A lot of the time it can be a selfish decision. If someone’s day is made better by cutting or self harming - all the power to them. It’s our responsibility as a society to understand the reasons behind this, and to allow open discussion without judgment. People aren’t going to venture out for help or information if everyone they encounter has no real grasp of the situation and claims that “cutting is dumb”.
Go ahead and reply back to me. Please call me a worthless cutter. Tell me I’m dumb. Tell me whatever the fuck you want. I’m willing to take whatever fucking hate you have to shove my way, or in the way of any of your followers, my followers, or anyone else on tumblr.
However, I do NOT cut. I don’t self harm/mutilate. I used to. I haven’t done it in over 5.5 years. I’M PROUD of my journey. I’m proud of my ability to get away from such a dark place in my life. But speaking from REAL EXPERIENCE, I can tell you that my life, at times, was made better or easier with cutting. It was an easy way to calm my nerves or anger when I got overwhelmed with my emotions or depression. It made me emotionless. THIS was what made it better than my reality. I didn’t do it so that I could “feel something”, no. I did it to feel nothing.
I came to the realisation that I had to take charge of my life and get away from an activity that was literally consuming me. Life is pain. Life is full of pain. I’ve found more effective ways of dealing with my pain.
After this entire message, I’m saying this because I can. I’m saying this from a point in my life where I do have happiness and strength. What you need to realise is that messages like this will not be received as well as I took it. Yeah, I sound like I’m really pissed, but I couldn’t give a fuck about what you think - honestly. I’m saying this for the people who are still living this REALITY of self harm.
** Any of my followers who deals with self-harm, cutting, mutilation, depression, anxiety… whatever, I’m always here to talk. You’re never alone. <3
(via dontgiveawaytheend)
I’d rather be doing this,then DATING someone.
I agree with the picture & comment that’s above bwahaha
(via conformedsanity)
I decided to have an early night tonight & I just got home.
Send me some asks! :] I’m down for…
- any question you wanna ask me
- ranting about something that’s been bothering you
- tell me about the person you like
- tell me about yourself!
- or if you want advice/a second opinion on somethinggg
<3
(Source: gangstalysia)
I can’t remember love or what it feels like
I can’t remember the words I’d use to describe it
I don’t remember.
Love is gone, it has been for a while.
All the small things that used to make me smile,
Gone, just, Gone.
I can’t track back
or refresh my memory
I’ve been stuck in a realm that doesn’t accept love
Not allowed
No strings attached
I’ve been forced to let go
& find other emotions
Where is love? Where has it gone?
Is it coming back? Did I already have my turn?
Love is gone, at least for now
& I no longer know how to write about it.
(Source: gangstalysia)
Can you stop calling me? Stop interrupting my life. Stop trying to get underneath my fucking skin. Take some responsibility for the things that have happened in your life and CHANGE… that’s what I had to do. That’s what I had to learn how to do by myself many years ago when you decided to stop being a mother.
“As far as I’m concerned, I don’t have kids anymore.”
- You gave up the right to calling yourself my mother when you told me to kill myself when I was 14.
- You gave up the RIGHT to know what’s going on in my life the day you kicked me out when I was 15, in the winter.
- You gave up the FUCKING RIGHT to take any responsibility in the success in my life the moment you decided to be fucked up on drugs instead of helping me with school.
Dealing with you has been one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do in my life. You’ve pushed me to my limits, and tested my sanity. I’m DONE being depressed or worrying about you. I’m done trying to work with someone who seems like an irresponsible teenager with inappropriate social skills.
I’m fucking done with being disappointed in you. I’m sick of being on speaking terms with you and telling people how things have been good… only to have to deal with the same shit again, over and over. I can’t do this to myself.
You’re the only person that can still get underneath my skin.
I’m fucking done.
